"MINCOVE" (c) 2004 by Per Anderson
20 minute version
INT. car - day
MINCOVE drives to work.  His beard is white and grey.  His hand rests on the shifting lever of his 1982 Rolls.  There's music on the stereo - relaxing, debonair, and fun.
Doctor Mincove wears Ray Ban sunglasses and a "classy" yet "groovy" shirt that wouldn't be out of place at either a polo match or a rock concert.
EXT. COUNTRY DRIVE - DAY
On a breezy, sunny day, Dr. Mincove's car putters past well appointed houses with the windows down.
int. mincove building - day (montage flash)
We journey amongst impressions of a man's abundantly successful life.
GUESTS surround Dr. Mincove at a party as he shares his unique insights into health and wellbeing.  A relaxed and natural performer, Mincove pleases the crowd with a hearty laugh. 
Int. montage flash - Medical school - day
Dr. Mincove lectures to MEDICAL STUDENTS, pointing to elaborate projected diagrams of the human body.  He's dressed in a tweed jacket with elbow pads.  The blackboard is covered with elaborate chemical equations.
Mincove clicks the slide projector control, moving amongst various diagrams:
INSERT - HUMAN BODY - NOSE:  Depicting how chemicals ingested from the nose turn into electrical signals to the brain.
INSERT - HUMAN BODY - EYE:  Focusing on the path of the optic nerve.
The medical students take notes and listen attentively.  One ADORING MEDICAL STUDENT is sketching.. 
INSERT - SKETCH:  An adoring portrait of Mincove as an Indian deity with twenty arms.
Dr. Mincove continues to lecture, clicking on another slide.
INSERT - HUMAN BODY - STOMACH:  Showing the complex relationship of the stomach to the other organs.
Cut TO:
INSERT - MAGAZINE COVER:  It's Alternative Health Today, featuring Dr. Mincove on the front cover, celebrating the arrival of the "The Mincove Method".  Other articles are wonders such as "Cure Arthritis With Shark Cartilage".
Cut TO:
Int. MINCOVE BUILDING - TREATMENT ROOM  - day 
A PRODUCTION CREW bustles around MINCOVE as he performs for his latest infomercial.
mincove
Eucalyptus, with hitherto unknown curative powers, can transform a 
rasping cough to a gentle breath.
The video production camera pans to Doctor Mincove's assistant, TIA, late 20s, long red hair, dressed in a nurse's uniform.  She bursts into lively animation when cued.
TIA
I'm Tia, assistant to Doctor Mincove.  Call us now and ask about the Mincove method for allergies, anemia, and arthritis.  Or, unwanted cellulite!  
Int. Living room - day
The Mincove infomercial plays on a battered old television set which fills the frame.  Tia's voice squawks over the tinny mono speaker.
TIA (V.O.)
Operators are standing by.  Chilblains, coughs, and depression.  Even hard to treat varicose veins! Come to us with eczema, hair loss and hemorrhoids.  Insomnia...  Nausea!  Nothing works like the revolutionary Mincove...
As the infomercial continues to play, the CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal a young workman in overalls, JARROD, 20's, who is speaking on the phone.
Jarrod
...Method.  Yeah.. Yeah.. I saw it on the tele.. 
(beat)
I need to get a referral?
CUT TO:
Ext. nuwan's clinic - day
Jarrod stands before a well worn Victorian building.  There's a pawn shop on the lower floor, and a set of stairs leading to the upper floor.  
There's portable massage chair out on the sidewalk.  A LARGE MAN is resting prone, face down in the chair, being given a shoulder rub by a MASSEUSE.   The large man is so relaxed that drool comes out of his mouth. 
Int. Nuwan's clinic - day
The dusty clinic is crammed with a bewildering variety of aged medical equipment.  NUWAN, 40's, a sprightly Sri Lankan, is cooking a curry dish with some of the implements.  There's a knock at the door.
Nuwan
Come in!
Jarrod enters the room.
Jarrod
Doctor.. 
Nuwan
Ah, test subject for curry.
Seventy spices, Pandanus leaves, oh yes.  
Jarrod has trouble understanding Nuwan.
Jarrod
Sorry, come again?
NUWAN
Transforms in the body.. oh yes.  Yes.  Yes.  Like flower opening.
(deep smell)
Smell with me.
Jarrod hesitates, then sniffs along with Nuwan.
Nuwan (CONT'D)
Oh yes.  Almost done.  
Nuwan starts stirring the curry again.
Jarrod
Doctor.. 
Nuwan
Call me Nuwan, yes?  Karuna kara.  Please, some curry?
JARROD
I need a referral to see, ah, Doctor Mincove.
Nuwan immediately stops stirring the curry and sets it aside.  
Nuwan
Oh,  Doctor Mincove.  Doctor Showbiz, yes.  Let's get you to Doctor Mincove.  Oh boy.  What's your name, anyway... 
Nuwan starts to rummage around in one of his medical supply cabinets.

JARROD
Jarrod.  Jarrod Young.  And I get nauseous.  I've been puking my guts out.
Nuwan finds a silver pill, somewhat asymmetrical and clear on one end.  
NUWAN
Ah.
He gazes at it as he approaches Jarrod.
Nuwan
The tummy, the tummy, oh yes, mysterious, the most mysterious organ, everything you eat you become and the transformation starts in the tummy.  
Nuwan shows Jarrod the pill.  Alarmed, Jarrod backs away.
Jarrod
What's that?
NUWAN
Oh, we start to help the tummy.
NUWAN
Open wide.. 
JARROD
But..
NUWAN
Fixed, you like the tummy? 
Jarrod
Yeah, but..
NUWAN
Fixed you like the tummy?  You feel better.  Open.. 
Jarrod, teeth clenched, looks at Nuwan.
Nuwan
Open.. open and fix the tummy, open, and fix the tummy.
Jarrod still won't open his mouth.
Nuwan
You are tough cookie.
Backing further away from Nuwan, Jarrod gets off the bed.  He notices a framed photo on the wall.
JARROD
Can I get the referral now?
Nuwan (cont'd)
Of course.  You want to see Doctor Mincove.
He notices that the photo has the same woman from the Mincove infomercial, Tia.
INSERT - PHOTO - NUWAN AND TIA AT CLINIC OPENING
Nuwan abruptly blocks Jarrod's view of the photo.
Nuwan
Ah, yes, Tia, oh boy, you see Tia on the tele and now you want to see Dr. Mincove, yes.  If Tia work here you see her on the tele and then you see me.
JARROD
She used to work here?
Nuwan reaches for his script pad.
NUWAN
Oh yes, one day, she was here.  
Nuwan waves the completed referral above Jarrod's head.
Nuwan (Cont'd)
Now, who was it for again?
Jarrod
(squinting)
Uh, Doctor Minco-
With his other hand, Nuwan slam-dunks the pill down Jarrod's throat.  Jarrod momentarily gags, attempts to spit it out, but finally must swallow.
Jarrod
Agh... What did you do that for?  
Nuwan just shrugs.
NUWAN
Oh, it helps, it helps the tummy.   
Jarrod glares at Nuwan.
nuwan (CONT'd)
Go to Doctor Mincove.  You must hurry for the tummy, yes?
ext. NUWAN'S CLINIC - day
Jarrod exits the shop, just in time to see that the MASSEUSE is pick-pocketing a wallet from the LARGE MAN in the massage chair.  Caught red-handed, the Masseuse gives a frozen stare at Jarrod.
Masseuse
Uh.. Hey, give that man back his wallet!
The Masseuse runs off, rapidly disappearing out of sight.
Large man
What?
The Large Man clumsily gets out of the chair. 
Jarrod
No.. Wait.. 
Int. Nuwan's clinic - day 
Nuwan is sitting in front of a computer console with a variety of electronic gear attached.  On the screen, Nuwan sees a red dot rapidly moving through the city streets.
Nuwan
Oh, boy.  Oh, boy.
CuT TO:
Ext. City street - day 
The LARGE MAN can't keep up with Jarrod.  Panting, his run slows to a walk.  He leans foward, putting his hands to his knees to catch his breath. 
Large man
Bastard..
Ext. Mincove BUILDING - day
Breathing hard, Jarrod jogs up to the ultrahip Mincove building in a better part of town.  Slowing down, he needs to catch his breath as well.  Wincing, he holds his stomach.
RITA (O.S.)
Over here.
Jarrod turns to see RITA, late 20's, impulsive, high strung and prone to frequent flashes of anger, a rival alternative health practitioner driven mad by Doctor Mincove's success.  She loves to poach his clients.   
RITA
Here for Doctor Mincove?
Jarrod
Oh, hi.. yeah.
Rita motions for Jarrod to come in.
RITA
Right.  Let's get started.
Jarrod hesitates and looks at Mincove's clinic.
Rita (cONT'D)
Come on.. 

INT. RITA's CLINIC - day
Jarrod sits on the examining bed, gazing at a small aquarium with goldfish.  Rita calmly arranges her instruments.
RITA
Now what seems to be the trouble today?
Across the room, Jarrod spies a practice mannequin with hundreds of needles stabbed into it.  Above the mannequin, there is a haphazard montage of press articles about Doctor Mincove.
JARROD
Well it's my stomach.  I get nauseous.. do I get to see Doctor Mincove? 
RITA
Doctor Mincove is a very busy man, but don't you worry, we'll have you fixed right up.
Jarrod
Do you know Tia?  What about her?
RITA
Oh, you want Tia.  She does well for herself, doesn't she?  But she used to be quite the activist in nursing school.  And now she works for Mincove.
(beat)
Well, they're both busy now.  So I am here to treat you.
Jarrod gets off the examining table.
Jarrod
Could I schedule another time?  
Rita puts her hands on her hips.
RITA
Do you have a concern, or a problem?
Jarrod
Well..
RITA
Because if you have a concern or a problem, before, before we've even gotten started.. I mean.. Maybe the treatment should start there.
JARROD
I didn't mean..
RITA
Come on, let's sort this out.  Tell me your concern.
JARROD
My concern.. Well, it's not so much as a concern, as it's just a um, question.. 
RITA
Well, then ask me your question. Your concern.
(beat)
Your issue.
JARROD
How long have you been with Dr. Mincove?
RITA
Relax.
(hand on shoulders)
Lay down.
LATER
The room is now slightly darker and lit with various lamps staged near the examining bed.  In a state of deep relaxation, Jarrod snores.  Rita is wearing a surgical mask, leaning over Jarrod.
Plastic tubes of varying widths are attached to Jarrod's stomach.  A humming compressor pumps liquid through the tubes.  
The compressor sucks water out of the aquarium, causing the  water level to drop.  A goldfish struggles against the tide, but finally gets sucked out of the tank.
It travels down one of the tubes and approaches Jarrod's stomach, making sucking and popping sounds.
Rita
You like fish?
There is one, last, final sucking sound as the fish enters Jarrod's stomach.  She disconnects the hose - it's bloody on one end.  She starts to dab it with a towel.
INT. NUWAN'S CLINIC - DAY
As Nuwan prepares more curry, he loudly sings to Sri Lankan music.  Behind him, on a computer monitor, the goldfish appears on the screen.  Indicator lights switch from green to red, but Nuwan doesn't notice them.
Int. Rita's clinic - DAY 
LATER
Rita lightly pecks and snaps Jarrod's face.
Jarrod
Ah.. Ouch.. 
Rita
Time to wake up.
The more drastic medical equipment is gone, leaving only ordinary acupuncture needles in Jarrod's stomach.
Jarrod
Ah.. I really ache.. Jesus, I'm going to be sick.. 
RITA
It's your chi.  Energy flowing around you.
JARROD
But.. I'm gonna be sick.. 
Rita
Rita clutches a needle, her knuckles going white.
RITA
That's your chi.  Your chi.
(beat)
Just relax!
Jarrod winces.  Rita sets down the needle.  She collapses on the floor, and starts to sob.
Rita
I'm sorry.. I know I don't have the best bedside manner.. 
Jarrod tries to get up off the table.  It hurts, though, because this shifts the position of the needles on his stomach.  
JARROD
Jesus.. ouch.  
Jarrod takes the needles out.
RITA
You're just so.. blocked.  
JARROD
I need to get going now.
Startled, Rita attempts to regain a professional demeanor.
RITA
Wait.. You need to make another appointment.
Jarrod runs out with needles still stuck in him.
Rita gets up off the floor and, wiping her face, yells after Jarrod.
Rita
You owe me money!
Ext. rita's CLINIC - afTERNOON
Jarrod staggers out of Rita's office and limps, his face straining with the effort.  His hands are holding his lower back.  He grabs a wall and pukes.
Int. RITA'S CLINIC - afternoon
Rita observes Jarrod through her binoculars, tracking him as he crosses the street.
Ext. MINCOVE BUILDING - afternoon
Jarrod knocks on the door.
TIA opens the door.
Tia
Jarrod Young?  A little late, aren't we?
Jarrod is momentarily dazed by Tia's presence.  
Jarrod
Hi.. 
Tia
Are you okay? 
Jarrod looks a mess with his pockmarked stomach.  He takes out one remaining acupuncture needle.
JARROD
My stomach.. 
Tia reassuringly puts her hand on his shoulder, leading him in.
Tia
We can help.
Int. RITA'S CLINIC - afternoon
BINOCULAR POV:  Rita observes Tia helping Jarrod inside.
RITA
Cheeky woman.
INT. MINCOVE BUILDING - HALLWAY - day
Tia and Jarrod walk down the hall.  Although limping and in pain, Jarrod only notices Tia's dazzling beauty.
Tia
Dr. Mincove discovered a way to activate the body's natural healing response through smell...
Int. Mincove building - scent room - day
Darkness.
A door cracks opens and TIA's hand briskly flips a light switch.  She leads Jarrod into a room with brightly colored bottles, decanters, and vials, stacked on shelves.  
There are elaborate porcelain snuff bottles from China and wine decanters from Greece.  There are ornamental feathers from Native America, Aboriginal dot paintings, and brass Indian statues of deities.
Tia
Dr. Mincove spent fifteen years abroad doing research.
Jarrod
Research into what?
Tia
The olfactory response.  Scents, smells, aromas...
Still grasping his stomach, Jarrod gazes at the shelves.
JARROD
Fifteen years... Smelling the world, hey.  Look, I need.. 
Tia
We're getting there.. You know, you're cute when you're impatient.
JARROD
I am?
Int. Mincove building - treatment room - day
The treatment room is dominated by a reclining chair attached to a contraption similar to an old-fashioned beauty shop hair dryer.
Tia takes a blindfold and attempts to put it on Jarrod.
Jarrod
What's the blindfold for?
Tia
You might be more comfortable with it.
JARROD
Look, I'm not going to be blindfolded.
Tia shrugs and sets the blindfold aside.  She walks behind a curtain in the room.
BEHIND THE CURTAIN, there are several metal boxes, about a foot on the side.  
The boxes are colorfully designed in a variety of patterns.  There are breathing holes on top, and a tap on the front.
She puts one of the boxes on a cart and wheels it out to Jarrod.
Jarrod
What the hell is that thing?
Tia
Maybe you should have worn the blindfold.
Tia attaches a gas mask to a canister and an valve on the box.  She pats the top, and a purring noise rumbles from inside.
JARROD
Is something in there?
TIA
Shhh.
Resting her ear against the box, she hears purring sound crescendo.
Tia
(softly to the box)
That's all right baby.. It's all right..
The purring sound grows bolder, along with scratching and dribbling noises.
Jarrod
Something's alive in there.. 
Tia
(still to the box)
Come on.. come on.. 
JARROD
Stop.  Just stop.
Tia whirls around.
Tia
What?
Jarrod
What's in that box!
TIA
The treatment.
JARROD
But.. what is it?  I mean, exactly.
TIA
Company secret.
(beat)
Dr. Mincove's research.  
Tia goes to Jarrod and strokes his shoulders.
Tia
Relax.  Close your eyes.
Jarrod
Give me the blindfold.
Tia gets the blindfold and brings it to Jarrod.
From JARROD'S POV, she ties the blindfold around him.
DARKNESS.
TIA
Okay.  Ready?
JARROD
Yeah.. 
(beat)
What's in there?
BACK TO SCENE
Annoyed, Tia places her hand on her forehead.
TIA
Just... Just don't worry.  We've done this many, many times.  
JARROD
Okay..
Tia
Relax.  Let go... 
JARROD
Okay.. All right..
Tia turns the valve release on the gas canister and puts the mask on Jarrod.
Tia
Now breathe...
The purring sound from the box increases along with a hissing sound from the gas canister.  Jarrod breaths deeply.
cut to:
INT. MINCOVE BUILDING - RECEPTION - DAY
RITA has snuck into the Mincove building.  She finds a door and disappears down the hallway.
cut to:
Int. NUWAN'S CLINIC - day
Nuwan continues to dance and sing in his office.  The CD starts to skip.  Nuwan curses and examines his cheap stereo.  The momentary silence allows him to hear a warning beep from his stomach monitor.  
Nuwan
Ah, so you found your way to Mincove!  Now.. the secret.
Shocked, he notices the goldfish swimming around in Jarrod's stomach. 
Nuwan
What a secret, oh yes, the fish transforms in the tummy..  The Mincove fish.. oh yes.. 
He briefly consults a display pinpointing the pill camera transmission on a map, then grabs his coat and makes a dash for the doorway.
Nuwan
The fish transforms, in the tummy, oh yes.. 
Cut TO:
Int. mincove building - treatment room - night
As Jarrod sleeps with the gas mask on him, Tia leans up against the box and whispers.  The purring noises from the box grow louder.
Tia
He'll help us.. Don't worry.. You'll be free soon.. 
MINCOVE startles Tia.
Mincove
How's the patient?
Tia
Oh..  Fine.. He'll be right soon.
MINCOVE
Don't forget, the medical board is touring the clinic tomorrow - we need the place ship shape, understand?  
TIA
Leave it to me.
MINCOVE
And another thing.  Stop talking to them.  They are not alive.
TIA
Yes, Doctor Mincove.
Mincove nods and leaves.
Later:
DARKNESS.
Jarrod awakes to purring noises, almost as loud as the steady crescendo of his alarmed breath.
Tia loudly whispers.
Tia
Are you feeling better?
Jarrod
(surprised)
Fantastic..
Tia
Shh.. Not so loud.. Jarrod, you've got to help me.  
Jarrod starts to collect himself.  
JARROD
Is there a light in here?
Still in near darkness, Jarrod crosses the treatment room and fumbles for the switch.  Harsh, fluorescent lights snap on.
Aside Jarrod are bins of SMALL PURRING FURRY CREATURES.  There are no eyes, ears, arms or legs.  No appendages or sensory organs, just a furry pulsating ball.  Noticing Jarrod, it gently purrs and secretes turquoise-colored fluid.
Tia
Help me load them into the truck.. 
(beat)
Come on.. 
Jarrod
What the hell are these things?
Tia
Just help me.. please.
Tia wheels a bin out of a service entrance to the room.
JARROD
Uh.. Okay..
Jarrod gently examines one of the creatures in the bin.  He brings it to his face, smelling deeply.  
Rita
Am I interrupting something?
Jarrod sets down the furry creature, somewhat embarrassed  He turns to face Rita at the door.  Rita advances on Jarrod, obviously impressed Mincove's operation.
RITA (cONT'D)
So this is it.. the secret of Doctor Mincove.
Rita lunges at Jarrod, grabbing him by the shoulders and attempting to push his body into a bin of furries.  
Rita
I don't like deadbeat patients.
Jarrod
Aggh.. 
Jarrod struggles as Rita nearly pushes him over the edge -- But there's a thud.  Rita slumps over the bin, revealing Tia, who is holding a metal pipe.  
RITA
Ow.. 
Without remorse, Tia pushes Rita into the bin.  The furries squeal and have a feast on Rita's screaming body. 
At the bottom of the bin, the furries secrete Rita's essence, the liquid flowing towards Tia's feet.
NUWAN appears at the door.
nuwan
I come for the secret of the fish.
Tia
Nuwan?
Nuwan
Jarrod, how's the tummy?
Tia
Nuwan, thank God you've found us - we can free them now.
LATER
The trio finish loading the bins onto a truck.
Nuwan
What about the fish?
Int. mincove building - treatment room - the next day
MINCOVE leads a delegation of OTHER PROMINENT DOCTORS into the treatment room.
Mincove
This is where we perform our patented treatment, with genetically engineered.. ah.. 
He paces to the center of the room, absorbing the consequences of the theft.

EXT. river bank - DAY 
The truck is parked near a calm river bank, where Tia and Jarrod are gently releasing the furry creatures into the water.
Tia
I couldn't tell Nuwan that I had infiltrated Mincove's operation.  We needed someone like you to lead him to me.
The creatures continue to purr as they drift downstream.
Tia
Well, they're free now.
(beat)
How's the stomach?
Jarrod
It's fine..  Really.

THE END